Distracted

Ever feel like forces from all sides are pulling you in every direction but the straight path to where you know you should be going? One day you can be completely sure of your purpose in life and confident that you are where the Lord has placed you and then the next day you wake up and you are no where near where you ought to be. Of course, a major change in direction doesn't happen all in one day - it sneaks up on you subtly over time - getting you distracted with little innocent things at first until you find yourself on a detour path away from the main road. Waste of time - yes... harmless - no, even if it feels perfectly fine. The longer you are on the long and winding road getting further and further away from the narrow road, the more clouded, lost, and confused you become. Compromise turns to losing yourself completely. Everyone slips off their path from time to time, and I've been doing just that for a few months now.

I remember a time when I couldn't doubt God if I wanted to - now I am surprised to find all sorts of doubts creeping into my mind that aren't as ridiculous to me as they were before. I'm being slowly corrupted and deceived - the enemy's favorite ploy, and I've fallen for it. How it began - that's easy to pin point: I became too busy. Some believers are gifted and called for business - to work for the Kingdom within the world's arena. Some believers are gifted and called to minister within their families. Every believer is called to be a light wherever they are. But me... I just got busy. Work, school, marriage, rest - it's all important in my life - but none of it means anything if God is not my primary and essential focus. I took my eyes off of my highest priority and wasted time, energy, and passion on lesser things until God was squeezed out of my life altogether. And here I am, lost in a place I thought I'd never end up again, all because I chose not to take the time... chose not to MAKE the time. I allowed myself to be too busy to read God's Word, to pray - too busy to be with Him. Lack of listening to God, not taking the time to learn and depend on Him, how could I not be led astray? After I stopped listening, I stopped talking to Him as often as I used to until that dwindled into barely a "good day Lord", then I soon found myself too tired to worship, and automatically the things of the world rushed into my heart to fill the gap I've left there. I was a soldier on duty who let "stuff" distract me and I took my guard down. Legitimate responsibilities even become illegitimate when they consume the time, energy, and passion that belongs to the Lord and His Kingdom. Falling is easy - it's effortless and simple... climbing is the hard part - and that's exactly the part where I've finally woken up in. I took off my armor and got hit on every side.

One sincere prayer transports me back into the right direction, takes me from way out here in the wilderness and places me back on the path following at the heals of our Lord Jesus. One honest repentance and seeking Him brings me home. My spirit cries out to be restored and back in the arms of my Father while my soul hurts for where I am and that I've enjoyed every moment that took me here - which only reveals just how tainted I've become in such a short amount of time.

Distraction - it leads to death and I've become so numb and cold already. I can see where I am and I do not have the strength to pray that one prayer that opens my heart to be rescued. Do I even want to fight anymore? Do I even care enough to climb or do I just continue falling? I know the Holy Spirit is calling me home, even for me to recognize my horrible condition and my pitiful situation is a gift of God reaching out for me. Without strength left in myself, do I pray today out of my head knowing it is the right thing to do - and then I fail again tomorrow? Or do I cry out to Jesus to enable me to actually mean my words to Him from my heart, my confession, my need for Him, my commitment to get back on the path and reconnect with Him? I need to come home. I can't let the world get in the way of the life and purpose Christ has paid so dearly for to give to me. I can't continue down this detour road that only leads to death, no matter how easy or appealing to my flesh it is. I must fight - fight off the hold this world has on me, fight the enemy with all I am and depend on God to give me the strength and power I don't have in myself. The enemy will not take out another warrior for the Kingdom of God - not me, not today.

Lord Jesus, help me - I need You. Father, How great is Your mercy and grace! Forgive me for allowing the thorns to choke out the seed of Your Word in my heart, forgive me for ignoring and displacing You with lesser things, I'm so sorry for walking away from You - I didn't mean to. Protect me from the lure of the enemy, save me from myself, keep me from walking away from You. Father, restore me to Your side, please wash me clean in Your Holy Son's blood and bring me back to where I need to be. Grant me Your power to withstand the pull of my wayward human attachment to this world that is passing away, and Your strength to not be decieved by the enemy's schemes against me. Lord, renew in me a clean heart, and a purified mind. Flood over me with Your Holy Spirit, fill me up to overflowing with You so that I may be once again led by the Spirit and in His power to live it out as You will for Your glory. Fill me with Your life so that I may truly live again and not fall to the bitter death that I have been dying in. Remind me of my earlier training as a daughter of Yours, as a warrior in Your Kingdom, and never stop teaching and getting me ready for the battles to come. Heal me where I am weak and broken, and empower me to get back out there in Your name. Use me as You will Father. You are my Creator, Sustainer, and King of All - the Almighty. You are good, You are love, You are truth, You are all that matters. None compares to You. Thank You for saving me! Thank You for my life - it is Yours. I love You Lord. In Jesus' precious name. Amen and Amen.

Hero

I've been recently stuck in the soul-sucking distraction that is TV lately, specifically, the show Angel. My husband drew me into it after his work buddies drew him into it. And I've never been a Buffy fan, and have steered clear of fiction that played around with depicting the demonic in a good light - but this character of Angel pulled me into that world without much effort at all. Why? Because he reminded me of my husband. That dark-eyed Irishman with a big heart and a deep soul reflected the core of who my husband is in a lot of ways to me. A guy with a dark past getting past his demons to become who he's meant to be for others, a sad ballad man who can also pull out zingers that will leave you laughing for long minutes and smiling for hours. Intimidating until you get to know him and see how much he's willing to give for his friends and family, he's the guy who could lose control but is unwilling to let himself go there. Not to forget, not too hard to look at either. :) But mostly - he's a hero, who is growing, sacrificing who he is to be someone better, doing what it takes to do what is right and to help anyone he can.

My husband wasn't always this man - in fact, he's only begun to be the hero I know God has called and purposed him to be. I suppose that's why I can really appreciate that quality coming out in him now. A striking recognition of this fact hit me the other day when I had a tire blow out on my way to work. I called my husband, who was already en route to his very busy day at work, and his first words were a tender and urgent, "I'll be right there", without any moan of annoyance or frustration about the situation. He immediately turned around and was willing to blow off his whole important work day to come to my rescue. You might think, "well, yeah, isn't that what a husband is supposed to do?" and yeah, maybe it is - but it was heroic to me. It was a 100% selfless act where he took charge to make sure I was safe and sound as soon as possible, and maybe that's what husbands are when they do that - heroes, even if it's just to their own families. Maybe that what wives are when they are there for their husbands, maybe that's what parents are when they protect and care for their kids - heroes. So my husband took off the flat, put on the temp spare for me, and followed me at 15 miles an hour down the shoulder of the highway for miles to get to a repair shop. He was tired and very dirty by the time he eventually got to work, and he didn't get done there what he needed to that day, but he proved what was more important to him, and that meant the world to me.

Anyway, if you can avoid TV - do! But if you happen to get sucked into a show like Angel, it's good to remember that any everyday believer is an ambassador for Christ, the King of all Creation, in this world, and we are His hands, hearts, ears, and mouth to reach out to this dying world - we can all be heroes in His name to someone in need. We have the power, because Jesus does, and even as flawed human beings we can still be His instruments to bring His light into someone's life.