Friendships

Among my personal acheivements in growing, is the ability to develop, maintain, and truly appreciate friendships. I have come to rely on a small group of young women regularly for comradery and support - and hopfully I provide the same services for each of them as well. We all became friends at one church, but even though two of us have moved away from that area, we all still take the time to invest ourselves into the others, and meet together as often as schedules allow. In my endevor to reach out beyond my comfort zone and take on relationships, God has blessed me far more than I ever thought possible through them. Each one of them has ministered to me in areas of my life that has been absolutely priceless. I could not ever express how much I have come to value and appreciate them over the years!

In seeing the above picture, I am reminded of the Bible study group of young adults in the church where we all met. I see myself and three of the women who remained faithful to each other... but I am also a little saddened by the thought of the women that didn't "make it" into the group over the long haul for one reason or another, women that very well should have. One of these is a young woman who opted to not reveal her heart to me, yet I feel very much as if I failed her. When we were all together at this church, she and her husband led the Bible study group at their home. The two of them became foster parents to a beautiful little girl. She and her husband were gifted in recognizing new people in the church and making them feel welcome. Year after year passed by, and even though we were never close friends on a deep level, I knew that she was in a lot of pain in her marriage. I could never get her to talk to me about it, and I had no idea the extent of her hurt, the details, or how to help her, so I left it up to her to convide in me or whoever when she was ready. Eventually, my husband and myself left that church and later moved away from that area.

Some time later, I found out that this young woman began an affair and she and her husband ended up getting a divorce. How heartbreaking that is! I wish now that I would have locked her up in a room with me and forced her to open up when I had the chance. Her ex-husband and my husband are still friends, and I hear that he is rebuilding his life, but she is long gone, and whatever help I could have done her in the past is a closed door to me now.

Remorse is a real, but meaningless feeling, because there is nothing I can do about it now, but pray. The truth is, even if I had revealed the little I did know to more of her friends and together we confronted her, or made it impossible for her to bottle up her hurt, or even talked to her husband about it, I will never know at this point whether of not that would have helped or hurt the situation, she was such a private person. I suppose I can take a small amount of comfort in the fact that God didn't lead me to push her about it, nor do I feel like I ignored His voice or disobeyed Him in dealing with her. But isn't it a friend who would act on what they see in their friend's life? I was either not a good friend to her, or I was not what she needed in a friend. Either way, I have learned from that experience. I have learned that it is better to err on the side of over-concern than to procrastinate or ignore something. Maybe I wasn't the one who could help her, but I was one of the people around her who saw signs and recognized that her heart was aching, so I should have at least done more than wait. Perhaps one day she will accidentally stumble onto this posting and read that my thoughts and prayers are still with her. Given the chance, I would apologize to her for not being a better friend.