The Woman Sexist Against Women

My personal journey out of bondage from sexism.

Like most people in mainstream traditional churches, I was raised and taught to believe that women were not approved for church ministry or leadership by God - and the usual common verses were used (I Corinthians 11:3-12; 14:34-36; and I Timothy 2:11-15) - ones that I could easily read myself and get the same interpretation from, so it was a mental approval yet a constant inner disappointment and sadness, but something I had just accepted as laying down my life to God's design and will - therefore there wasn't an issue. With this understanding and growing attitude, it was difficult to respect my mother and especially her Biblical instruction. As I grew up into a young adult, I began to become unable to take my women Sunday School teachers seriously, I started shutting my ears to women peers' perspective on God's Word, and I wouldn't even read any books that were written by women, no matter how far their Bible education and ministry experience had taken them. Women leaders and speakers in churches made my skin crawl and I'd debate to the death with anyone who defended women in any form of spiritual authority. All the while, I studied the Bible on my own and was seeking more of God for what His purpose was in my life. Inside, a huge part of me hated being born a female, because even though I knew God loved all equally, I believed He had a special place for men that I could never be in. This attitude against women in spiritual authority was extremely damaging to myself, because I thought - "God can't use me", "I have nothing anyone could ever learn from" - and I thought all women are in the same boat. Inferior. I can study and show myself approved, and align my behavior with His Word, and have an intimate relationship with Jesus, but I can never please Him like a man can in ministering to others, and I had no desire, drive, or heart to minister to children. I reserved myself to doing menial service and good works for the kingdom and pursued a secular profession.

Then came the call.
See my prior blog entry "Desperate Housewife or Not • Part 1"
Torment, debate, confusion. Inner conflict insued and my rational jumped to fill the holes of human logic to justify what I was hearing. I submitted myself to only doing what God wanted me to do - however, I slowly began to shut out His voice in my heart as well, because it wasn't lining up with His Word. I thought, "surely this is my voice and inner pull, or the voice of the enemy trying to puff me up - because God would not conflict with His Word"!

I went on for some time, ignoring His Presence to study only the intellectual side of the Bible, I would pray, and then jump up and go on about my day without giving Him a chance to speak to me. I studied for knowledge and not understanding and determined to stay accountable to what I saw clearly in those three Scriptures and how they were taught to me. But it was a fight that was too strainious to keep up, and my starving my spirit to death made me once again run back to God to abandon myself and what I knew to His instruction and life.

I got married, and relied on my husband's spiritual authority and helping him do his ministry to fulfil my purpose and calling. But soon, my husband started branching off into his own ministry that was much different from where God was leading me and he started encouraging me to go do whatever God was telling me to do without him. Which was odd - and HARD! Without my husband, I didn't really think I could do anything. And God kept calling me - but I kept saying "I can't do anything now Lord, because my husband doesn't want to". And God kept saying - "I'm not calling him, I'm calling you".

Finally, one day when I was praying, I asked - "why would You call me if your Word says I can't?" And I heard God distinctly say "My Word says you can. Men say you can't." And God began revealing to me that I was more of a sexist against women that a lot of men were, and that it was breaking His heart. I was stunned, and really had to process. I was studying the book of John at the time and a new aspect of chapter 4 (Jesus and the Samaritan woman) jumped out at me. Jesus, in one radical move, tore down the walls of both sexism and racism just by speaking to this women, revealing God's attitude towards all people. If He wanted to reach Samaritians, He could have just gone on into the town, instead of stopping outside at the well. If He wanted to let the men be the ones to teach the women later, He would have not struck up the conversation with her, but again, would have gone into the town and preached to all. He did not go into the town, until after the woman had gone and witnessed of Him to the people in the town and they all came out to Him. Jesus was very purposeful with His actions. He knew full well what He was doing and the impact He made, specifically on His disciples. Jews hated Samaritans - there was thick racism between the two. Jews believed they were the favored people of God and superior to Samaritans. Men did not talk alone with women - men believed that they were favored of God and that women were less than them. Without knowing the full extent of those attitudes during those times and cultures, the weight of what Jesus did is still seen, but often overlooked or devalued today.

Within a week, I got sent two books from two different people about women in ministry - and I devoured them almost instantly and decided I had to see the proof for myself. (Books: Why Not Women? by Loren Cunningham & David Joel Hamilton, and 10 Lies the Church Tells Women by J. Lee Grady - both books written by men!). So I dug in deep to God's Word and discovered mistranslations, which blew my mind! Once I had finished the study - see next blog entries - a life-changing peace flooded in and a heavy weight was lifted off of me, so much so that I wanted to tell everyone what I had learned!

It took me years to adapt my own personal acceptance and self-esteem - and rewiring my mindset to this new freedom in Christ. Now, I totally believe God can use a woman do to anything He wants... it's just harder to actually be that woman! But God is leading me there - each step out of Egypt to His promise! He will fulfill the calling and purpose He has planting within me and as long as I'm pleasing Him, I don't care what the world and the religious think! I don't want glory, attention, power, or control, and I probably couldn't ever get myself to the other extreme of being a feminist - but I do want to honor God and let Him and His work flow through me so that Christ is lifted up for all to see! It is my passion to do the will of Him Who sent me and to give Him all the glory and bring forth fruit in His name! No man nor woman can accomplish anything eternal, it is only all God, in His leading, His wisdom, and His power through Jesus Christ working in and through us to the world!

I hope the following Bible study on Women in Church Leadership blesses you and brings freedom to you in Christ!